dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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