Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Randomize
