I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
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