i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
