idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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