you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
