i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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