Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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