Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
be right there i have to get my cape
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
