It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
