omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I cut my penus on the lid.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
