you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
