wat bout pragnant strippers??
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
what day is it and did you see me today?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
