I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
