just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
