his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
