Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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