; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
