I'm going to jail i love you
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
