I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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