the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
