i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
