there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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