i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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