Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
do nipples grow back?
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