SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I lost the right to judge tonight
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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