woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
