It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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