Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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