the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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