They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
