I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
