we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
