So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
