i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
