This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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