i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
