How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
