I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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