So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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