So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
