I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
