I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
