did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
