Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
