I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
