OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
my shit smells like andre
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Randomize
