South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
