She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
