I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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