They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Randomize
