He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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